March 31, 2010

Michael Bay’s Paris, Texas

Bad news came via a friend today. Michael Bay is planning a remake of Rosemary’s Baby. Yes, I know, the director of the original was Roman Polanski and Roman is a grade-A pervert, not to mention a criminal one, and for that he can’t be excused. But friends, that movie is brilliant in so many ways, I can’t even begin to describe them.

Now I could give a hoot about Bay sullying the good name of some cleverly hinged toys. Really, what were folks expecting from Transformers? Orson Welles? But for Bay to drown out the quiet legacy of Rosemary’s Baby with his orgy of smash cuts and tilted cameras and strike-a-match-on-it cleavage, well, that’s another thing entirely. The original is a study in atmosphere and tension, a metaphor for being trapped in a womb. It’s provocative and haunting and everything a thriller should be. Most of all, it’s subtle. Just check out the discussion of it in the 1992 documentary Visions of Light to see how Polanski’s subtle choices produced profound effects in the audience. Then check this out:

That’s right. Subtle don’t cut it anymore. A professor friend of mine recently screened The Shining for one of his classes and the kids practically fell asleep. Not enough guts. Not enough saws. As a youth, I enjoyed splatter flicks as much as anyone, but I hardly needed every scene to include a rusty auger bit and a head in a vice grip. I’ll bet dollars to donuts that Michael Bay will deliver a slam-bam gore-fest of a Rosemary’s Baby with an over-the-hill actress (you know, like Amanda Peet) stepping in for Ruth Gordon and an ingenue such as Amanda Seyfried sighing and heaving her way into Mia Farrow’s maternity dress. There will be a car chase on the way to the OB/GYN’s office. The devil will sport flaming wings and will vomit a fireball into the Chrysler Building. A black guy will say “Damn Rosemary, baby-makin’ is makin’ you hot!” 200 million dollars will be spent.

It’s sad, but I don’t have the clout to fight Bay on this. The remake is on its way to production, and I can only hope the original film will always be remembered. I will, however, throw down if he thinks of touching one of my lesser-known favorites. Consider yourself warned, Mr. Bay. Don’t EVER remake Paris, Texas:

Anyone who’s seen Paris, Texas should get a chuckle out of this notion. It is, in my mind, one of the greatest slow-burn films of all time, a languidly paced character study that enters softly and finishes on such a breathtaking note that I have spent my entire writing life trying to figure out how Wim Wenders, Sam Shepard, Harry Dean Stanton and Natasha Kinski pulled it off. The penultimate scene is perfection. Every time I watch it, I marvel at the lighting, the reflections, the editing, at how the crafts of storytelling and acting fold in on each other. I won’t say anything else about the scene or provide a link to it, but anyone who loves this film knows which one it is.

So while Michael Bay’s Paris, Texas seems unlikely, in a certain way, he’s already come close. Start typing up a petition and I implore all fans of Paris, Texas to watch this NSFW clip from Bad Boys 2. Tell me it’s not Bay’s subconscious nod to Wenders and Shepard. He probably saw the original film during his student days at Wesleyan. While absorbing that amazing exchange between Stanton and Kinski, he probably said to himself “this is great and all, but instead of a two-way mirror, they should have filled the room with a crapload of flat-screen TVs. And it could have used a few more erection jokes.”

4 Comments | Posted by Aaron under Movies | Bookmark or Share