March 8, 2010

My Blog Debut: A Tenderness Score of 25

16,187,120. My blog is up and that’s its Alexa rank. I’m fairly proud of it. As far as I know, I’ve never been Sixteen-Million-One-Hundred-Eighty-Seven-Thousand-One-Hundred-Twentieth in anything. The best news? There’s room for improvement. Still, I don’t want to abandon this illustrious rank right away, cause the number has a storied history. It’s the registration number of Dailey Homer, a nearly two-year-old bull from the Dailey Angus Ranch in Thedford, Nebraska. Homer is a “very gentle bull” with a “tenderness score of 25.” I’m not sure how high the tenderness scale goes, but Homer seems to have made his mark as one of the good guys. I don’t doubt his heart has been broken more than once, and he’s better for it. If you happen to be in the market for a bull, check out his video and consider dipping into your savings account (unless, of course, you’re tucking away that $2,500 for this).

Manifestos. I like them in theory, and I’m tempted to lay out rules for this blog.

1. I will never pollute the internet with another “best of” list!
2. I will wring art out of the boggy cloth of mundanity, every single day of the week!
3. I will use words like boggy and mundanity and I will post pictures of tiny monkeys clinging to people’s fingers and I will inspire the illiterate to read because they will want to know my thoughts on finger monkeys!

O yes, I could write one heck of a manifesto, but manifestos require discipline. Ask a bag of chips about my discipline.

Themes. Ralphie, the hero of The Christmas Story, wrote one about a Red Rider BB gun. I agree with his teacher. It certainly wasn’t A-plus material and his denial of the ocular safety issue was indefensible. Yet I can’t help but thank Ralphie for reminding me that blogging is best kept grade-school-short. For the majority of this blog, I will write themes. No manifestos needed. I will simply assign myself subjects, often recurring ones, and I will get in and I will get out and I will hopefully entertain folks a bit. The themes may sometimes be serious, but more often than not they’ll dip into the absurd. And while I plan on posting updates about my writing career, I won’t reveal too much about my day-to-day life. Let others trouble you with their tales of burnt toast and office switchblade fights. Let me whisper nonsense into your ear.

SEO. Finally, I do want my Alexa rank to climb a bit, and as any savvy blogger knows, search engine optimization is the key. For instance, you may have come here after googling Dailey Homer. While I regret to inform you that this isn’t a bulletin board for your morning dose of Homer Simpson quotes, and while I also regret to inform you that Daily isn’t spelled with E, I do welcome you to have a look around. Enjoy the mess, and please realize that I’m trying to recruit others like you who’ve stumbled upon this site in search of commentary on popular or timely subjects. Therefore, the last sentences of certain posts may appear completely incongruous. Trust me, they’re rocketing us to number 1.

Justin Bieber and some lolcats tie Kathryn Bigelow’s Oscar win to an elaborate, badly spelled global warming conspiracy theory.

2 Comments | Posted by Aaron under Internet, Monkeys | Bookmark or Share